Momming—The Shit They Don’t Tell You About Having Kids: The What I Won’t Do For My Kids List

Random, but newborns eat a lot. All of that “Babies eat every 3 hours” that the doctors tell you at the hospital before you leave is complete bs. Realistically, yes we should be making sure that the infant eats every three hours. I’m just saying that my newborns ate at every whenever the hell I wanted hour. Sometimes every 30 minutes, it could be for a lil snack or a full feeding. It just depends on their mood. They could be in a cranky, hold me all day and feed me mood. Breastfeed or bottle feeding, babies are constantly eating. You really just have to have your boobs and bottles on standby. 

Don’t think it stops here because when they are older, they will eat you out of a house and a home (my mom use to say that to us and I understand). We feed them breakfast before school and they take snacks from home to school. Then get to school eat the lunch from home and if the school lunch is looking good, that too. Of course they then turn around and come home and the first thing they do is open the fridge. Why are children so hungry? They are ready to eat at any time all the time. But it’s our “fault” because we get them spoiled to eating a way, so they expect certain things. 

Anyway, today my kids are playing dress up. On top of making hellla noise. I have a 6 year old, 4 year old and a 9 month old. Sometimes I randomly buy costumes so that they can imagine themselves as the characters. We allow them to explore their imaginations and I’m not about to walk past a $2.99 Batman costume. The Shit They Don’t Tell You About Having Kids: You’re constantly buying nonsense. Specifically toys. From basic necessities (of course we need money to take care of our kids) to things that they ask for/stuff that you want them to have, money is constantly being spent. We explain to them what money is and true they may understand that you have to work for it but in a way, it’s like what does that have to do with me them? 

My kids think because it’s the Dollar Store that they should get a toy or two every time that we go because what’s a dollar? No it adds up and every time I hear them empty the toy bins, I just think of all the unnecessary money we spend on toys. I secretly love sweeping up their small toys around the house. I throw so many toys away that they don’t even know they’re missing them. I’m also tired of injuring myself stepping on toys. Once my daughter wanted this specific Frozen toy that was very popular. I purchased it online just for them to say it was sold out. Her dad goes to every Disney store in South Jersey and gets it. Because...What won’t we do for our kids. I’m about to stop asking that because at this point there are some things I need to add to the list of things that I’m not doing for my kids.

It’s really insane the limits we will go for our child’s happiness. You realize that their childhood is so innocent and important to you especially while they are young. We want them to enjoy all of the good things that make children, children...believe in the fairy tales. We want them happy. Most of the time they don’t know anything we as moms have to go through & still mom. 

But anyway, back to the costumes, I really buy them because they are on sale and I’m like hey they can be this for Halloween but when Halloween comes I’m still in the store buying costumes. Just adding to the collection. Oh they sure don’t tell you that outside of your kid possibly looking like you, they aren’t anything like you. My kids don’t inherit (maybe that’s not the right word) anything as far as personality from me. Sometimes I think who the hell kids do I have. They can’t be mine. They eat burgers without condiments or buns sometimes so yeah there had to be a hospital mix up. Kids have their own personalities and they do their own thing. As moms, we adjust and build our lives around our children. We accept and love their differences and the things that make them who they are. 

The Shit They Don’t Tell You About Having KidsI’m sure that children run the world. They just need us in the house for supervision because legally they can’t be home alone. From the first goo goo to the last gah gah, they’re talking. Rambling. Just saying anything. Children have a lot of great things to say. Some times the stuff that your kid will say will shock you or make you laugh. Maybe even teach you something that you didn’t know. Either way what I am really saying is, it’s constant noise. Kids almost are never quiet. Their toys are loud, they play with other kids loud and they are always randomly screaming. I still check for my ears every now and then to make sure I have them...kids will talk your ears off!

Even when kids are sleeping they’re noisy because they snore. But we are weird as moms so we watch them sleep like “yesss finally” but also smiling at them while they sleep because look at that angel face.  As moms we have to listen to them talk. Kids love a good “mom remember when I was”... story. Like um I had you, of course I remember everything about your life. So we smile, nod and listen to them talk. Non stop. All day. And tell them in different nice ways to “shut up” by telling them it’s quiet time for ten minutes. 

In conclusion, The Shit That They Don’t Tell You About Having Kids: Children will cry for your food and you look over on their plate and yup, you are eating the same thing. The same exact thing!! I guess the food just tastes better on mom’s plate. Some mornings I find myself eating the scraps off of their plates as my full breakfast because children waste so much food. Expect your children’s leftovers to be a quick meal of yours. Expect to cook just for your kid to say that they want something else. Expect for your child to tell you exactly what they want to eat and how you should cook it. I’m about to start wearing an apron and notepad like a waitress when it’s time to ask my little ones what they want to eat. Sometimes I try to give my kids cereal because growing up cereal was breakfast for me. A pop tart made me happy, shoot.That was it. These kids (again, because they can’t be mine) will eat the cereal and ten minutes later ask me where is the breakfast. They want a full breakfast spread every day. Dinner time is another story, my advice is to keep some spaghetti in there...


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