Written by Bryan Staton
As you may know, I’m getting married soon. I’ve been having such a hard time finding groomsmen aside from the co owner of this site whom I paid to be my best man (150 USD) . I have 4 biological brothers so it’s shouldn’t be such a problem right? Nope. Anyway, last night I was watching ghost and Tasha burry Raina, and I was thinking who will be my Paul bearers? I only need 6 I should be able to handle that. Well if I had my choice, if I could create a list of my ideal 6 to carry me home, that would be perfect.
1. Master P- Dude is one of my favorite humans. His music practically raised me from like 95-01. He was a drug lord, a ceo and he went to the league. He looks like he carried a few caskets. His shoulders are sturdy
2.Ving Rhames- But he has to be in “Melvin” character. Full gangster suit and top hat, black in mild in his mouth and Stacy Adams. This will solidify my street credibility. He’s the quintessential step father
3. Prof Griff (Public Enemy) - he’s short but he’s a serious dude. In the 80s he had the Jews on his heels and currently he has genuwine to deal with because he stole his woman. Plus, if there’s a conspiracy surrounding my death only the Griff can solve it 
4. Michael Vick- He was never given a fair chance. I live in Atlanta and most likely he will always be a falcon, soaring high above his detractors. Maybe if he carries a real one to his final resting place he will be seen in a positive light as the real MVP (Michael Vick Positivity)
5. Al Roker- He’s very ugly, and under normal circumstances I wouldn’t be around someone who looks like him. But he’s been around whites for so long I think he makes himself ugly. Anyway Al never had a real N@&$a moment this is his chance
6. Mark Morrison- yes that mark Morrison! Besides I need him to sing “Return of the Mack” when I rise on the 7th day.