Written by Bryan Staton
*thursday evening 6:17 pm. Charles “Chuck” Williams attempts to approach a beautiful woman but has insufficient clout tokens. His pleads with her to be patient while he
Contacts tech support, he assures her he is “racked up” Vintage Dope has obtained the transcript.
Tech support: {anonymous company} how may I help you?
Chuck: wtf is going on im tryna bag shorty she talking bout I’m a broke boy
Tech support: ok sir I’d be glad to help you, what plan do you have sir?
Chuck: huh?
Tech support: how many followers do you have sir?
Chuck : {mumbles} 372
Tech support: speak up sir, I can barely hear you
Chuck: 372. Three hundred and seventy two damn
Tech support: ok sir , this woman is out of your range. Would you like to extend your plan? I just need a sacrifice and the upgrade will begin immediately
Chuck: well I ca...
Tech support: {cutting in} as a matter of fact sir please hold I’ve noticed something on your account
*elevator music interpolates Flo Rida “Right Round”
Tech Support: Mr Williams my supervisor just informed me last month you were given an extension for a previous sacrifice , are you aware of this?
Chuck: man I gave y’all my soul wtf is you dumb?
Tech support: sir it’s in the contract, “if the soul isn’t pure it isn’t a sacrifice”
Chuck: man how do I get more points she’s walking away nef
Tech support: sir have you made any GIFs, Memes, popular hash tags, challenges, or took pics with celebrities?
Chuck: man wtf? No
Tech Support: are you sponsored by flat tummy tea?
Chuck: none of that I’m just a real one , I get money, I’m turnt up and everything else people say these days
Tech Support: unfortunately mr Williams, unless you can produce a pure soul, or become more popular I can’t help you with your problem. Is there anything else?
*chuck remembered “shorty” wouldn’t give him her phone number but she did give him her IG handle. Which is all you need to sacrifice someone.
Chuck: I got a soul for y’all.
144,000 clout tokens
Tech Support: Thank you for being a loyal customer. Now if you will hold for a quick survey.